Coping with uncertainty
Have you ever found yourself irritated by a colleague or a team member who is struggling to adopt the changes you’re trying to implement at work? Or even worse, directly resisting them?
(Let’s assume here that the changes are well-intended and aimed at the common good... 😉)
That can feel so frustrating, right?
Now, let’s flip the coin for just a moment. Tell me (and let’s be honest here). How adept ARE YOU at adapting to changes at the workplace or in your life? 🫣
If you're human (which I would like to assume 😛), you may also struggle with changes. Most of us do, and one of the main reasons is this:
We are ill-equipped to cope with the uncertainty that changes bring about…
Uncertainty about our job, the future of our business, uncertainty in our everyday leadership or personal endeavors…
Although most of us love 'surprises' here and there because they add a little spark to our everyday life, we only love the surprises that we want, not necessarily those that life has in store for us 😅
And that is the issue.
Life is full of surprises, those you want to write home about and those you’d never wish for even your biggest enemy.
Life is, by default, uncertain; we cannot escape life’s unpredictability. The only thing that you can ever be certain of is that things will change…
So, have you ever explored YOUR OWN relationship with uncertainty? With the unknown?
Because it is important! Especially if you are in a leadership position!
Those of us who can’t deal with uncertainty are bound to experience a lot of unnecessary frustration, stress, and disappointment. Worse still, they are likely to 'spread' this negative vibe to the people around them.
If you’d like to start exploring that relationship, here is some guidance for your self-reflection:
Explore your fears
Think of a concrete situation in which you have to face the unknown, and which makes you feel uneasy or anxious, and ask yourself:
What am I so afraid of, and why? Be honest with yourself and keep asking the ‘why’ question until you get to the bottom of it. Be ready - you may not like the answer…
What is the worst thing that could happen to me in that situation?
Is there anything (or anyone) I am trying to hold onto and why?
What if I let go of that something (or someone)?
What if I let go of trying to control the situation?
What is my relationship with failure? Do I give myself permission to fail? What would happen if I do fail?
What are my expectations around this situation? How realistic are they?
What beliefs about myself or others are holding me back, preventing me from embracing the unknown?
Now, if you want to go further, and look into some concrete practices to better cope with uncertainty, then this is for you!
Cultivate …
CURIOSITY / Take a childlike approach to life. Life is one big unknown. What if we embraced life’s unpredictability and approached life just like a child would do, with an attitude of pure curiosity. “Wow, what is this? What does this mean? What happens next? What if I try this? Or that? Could there be any other way?” The beautiful thing is that you just never know what’s waiting for you around the corner and how it may change your life. Just think of a situation in which your plans have changed unexpectedly or when you were willingly (or not) thrown into the unknown, what happened and what was the final outcome? Some of the best things in life are a result of plans not quite working out according to expectations… 😉
FLEXIBILITY / Upgrade your MINDSET. It may be that what’s adding to your anxiety is a rigid mindset. You might be holding a set of rigid beliefs about YOU or the WORLD or the PEOPLE around you and how they SHOULD FUNCTION / BE / BEHAVE. What they should DO / SAY or how they should SHOW UP in this world. But who said how things SHOULD BE? Who are we to judge that? Beliefs are our inner ‘truths’ and should be taken lightly (and ideally, revisited on a regular basis!). Rigid beliefs create a rigid mindset that only leads to suffering and prevents you from growing and stepping into the next level in your life (it's like trying to surf a wave with your body completely rigid. You will undoubtedly fall...) Besides, you are bound to discover that many of your beliefs are either long outdated, or they were never quite true to start with, or they are not even yours! You ‘heard them so often in your past that you adopted them as yours…
CALMNESS / Find your ZEN . Your mind can be your biggest ally or your biggest enemy, you choose. If your mind is always filled with frantic thoughts, either ruminating over the past or worrying about the future, coping with uncertainty will be a challenge! Cultivating certain mind-body practices can go a long way in helping you instill an inner sense of calm and groundedness and to train your mind to be more ‘present’. From there it's easier to relax into the unknown and have a sense of knowing that no matter what happens, you will be able to cope somehow…
FLOW / Dance to the music that’s playing. That’s a wonderful metaphor one of our ‘SHELeaders’ shared during our Mastermind. Her way of saying that she is no longer frustrated about things she can’t change or control, she is no longer banging her head against a wall but rather accepting each situation as it is and finding a way to flow through it. We’re not talking about being complacent here but rather accepting what is and finding a way to adapt to the situation. For instance, when you feel emotional pain, you can try to push it away but it will come back. Or, you can let yourself be completely absorbed by it and it will hold you down. But what if you were to accept the pain, feel it, sit and breathe right through it? It will eventually subside...
NEW PERSPECTIVES / Reframe, reframe, reframe. What if instead of seeing a cup half empty, you saw it as half full? What if you see a problem as an opportunity to learn something new? What if you accepted that your way of looking at the situation is not the only way? That you don’t have an answer or that you could be completely wrong? I’d love to share with you one of my favorite phrases, often attributed to Stephen R. Covey, the author of ‘The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People’: "The way we look at the problem is the problem". I believe that constantly seeking new perspectives and reframing the way you look at the situation is a wonderful practice to help you better cope with uncertainty.
SELF-COMPASSION / Become your next best friend. Changes can be really tough. Especially those that you have never asked for and that cause you pain. It’s normal to feel sad or to grieve losing something or someone important to you. So please, be kind to yourself and speak kindly to yourself (yes, I am talking about that inner dialogue happening in your head 😵💫). Ask for help. Surround yourself with people who will hold you and support you when you need it most. Know that no matter what happens and even if you fail, it doesn't make you less of a person. You are enough! Acknowledge it and have compassion for yourself.
COURAGE / Practice stepping into the unknown. As they say, practice makes master, and courage is something that you can practice too! And it’s important that you do because it helps build your inner strength and resilience to get you ready for when things get really rough. Do something new or something different every day. You can take a different route to go to work, sit at a different place at the office, or go to a different restaurant. To stretch yourself even further, try and do something just a little bit scary every day. You can start with that phone call you have been postponing for a while, or giving that first speech at your local Toastmasters club you’ve been dreading… Training yourself to leave behind the ‘known’ and stepping into the ‘unknown’ not only helps build your strength but it has an important psychological effect. It shows you that you can manage much more than you think…
So, next time you’re becoming annoyed when a person is reluctant to adopt the changes you propose, have some mercy and remember, we all struggle with changes sometimes.
And remember that there’s a lot that you can do to help yourself navigate the ‘unknown’, being an example for others to follow…
Hope this serves!
If you wish to discuss this further, don’t hesitate to drop me a note or book a 15-min exploratory call to see how I can be of service!
Best of success to you 🍀🤗
Alena